COME WORK FOR NO PAY WHATSOEVER

Hey, have you ever wanted to do manual labor? Well have you wanted to do manual labor without getting paid? Well, in most countries, that is quite illegal, but not on the Island of Little Jimmy! Here on ILJ, (Island of Little Jimmy) you can do more work than you can ever imagine, and you won't see a penny for your efforts.

Here you can pick cotton, build testaments to my good will, clean out an endless supply of Sprite, and even worship me an all my glory. If you haven't been craving that your whole life, what have you been living for?

Daily Schedule

6:00; Wake up.
6:30; Go to work on current monument.
7:30; Get fed your daily sludge.
8:00; Continue working
9:30; Take 26 second break.
10:00; Take time to worship Little Jimmy and our Overlord.
13:00; Move on to working on making sure the Sprite Springs stay clear and refreshing.
15:00; Once Sprite springs are clear, you can go back to working on the monument to our Overlords achievements.
17:00; Go to bed. If you are caught up and about, you will be exiled via Patrice the Whale.

Journal Entry 135

Today I felt like the great American president Donald Trump. I was able to deport every person living on my island, except Little Jimmy of course. He's never going to leave. Now my Island is back to how it was before, humanless and full of beautiful and delicious Sprite. My island is also full of monuments of my achievements in life, which is always exciting.

Journal entry 127

It has recently occurred to me how stupid the human race could be. I was walking through Sprite Springs and I saw three children swimming around in it! I couldn't believe my eyes! I charged over there like a bull charging a cape and yanked all three of them out. Of course one started crying while the other two were lying about why they were doing what they were doing, and I realized that even though I have enslaved them, I hate humanity as a whole.

Journal entry 101

Today was my birthday, so of course what better way to celebrate my grace being blessed upon the universe than to have endless Sprite brought up to me by my forced-to-be-faithful-subjects-or-they-will-be-exiled. After I drank my weight in lemon-lime carbonated beverage I made my way to my most recently erected monolith. I stood in front of it, admiring the amount of detail that my slaves...I mean totally willing and payed workers, had put into it. It is depicting me destroying The Great John Cena. Although I couldn't see him, I was able to make him smell what The Rock was cooking, and quickly dispatch him like you would dispatch a rabid cow.                                                                                                                                                                  

Come to my amazingly wonderful slave encampment

Dear Lara,
I have recently acquired the means to produce a lovely abode called the Island of Little Jimmy. Little Jimmy is, of course, my butler/slave. He does everything I tell him, and he requires no payment, except the occasional glass of water or very rare meal. Some scientists or doctors may consider this malnourishment and borderline torture, but I strongly disagree. I would describe it as having the likeness to an experiment designed to test the absolute limits on the human nutrition scale. But that is not the point of this letter. I strongly advise you to come to my island. It is quite wonderful, well at least for me. You would be given the wondrous opportunity of being able to do anything and everything for me, such as pray to me as your god, and make sure Little Jimmy isn't taking any extra food that he claims he requires to "survive." You may also have to help with the architecture involved with building the giant statue that will be erected in my honor. These are but a small list of the endeavors you will be privileged of partaking in if you were to arrive to my island. I highly encourage you to come, because, frankly, I'm not sure how much longer Little Jimmy will survive. I doubt he will make it through winter.

A dictatorship

My utopia is obviously going to be a dictatorship. They are the most efficient type of governments due to the fact that I am the only one making the decisions. There is no pointless voting system, because on my island I am the only vote that matters. If anyone wants to do anything they have to talk to me. If I say no, and you still do it, then Patrice the Whale will take you into the depths of exile. Don't try and mess with me, or Patrice will mess with your lungs.

My rules for the Island of Little Jimmy

I have created a somewhat large amount of rules that all residents must follow. These will be known as the Principles of Jimmy. These principles all people must follow or they shall be exiled from the island via Patrice who is a large whale. Now the people who get exiled may drown, some may have a very, very, very slight chance of survival with major brain damage. To be perfectly honest, I don't even want people to visit my island at all, but if they must, then they must obey these laws.

1. Everyone must worship the Great Big Mac Supreme. Those who do not will be exiled.
2. Everyone must not argue with my laws or they will be exiled.
3. Everyone will drink from the great Sprite spring that is located in the center of the island. If the Sprite is not drank, they shall be exiled.
4. Thou shalt not partake of the vile Pepsi knock off of Sprite, anybody that does will not be exiled, but instead partake in a long and painful torture, known as Jimmy's Sprite torture (which is like Chinese water torture, but with Sprite, which in theory would hurt more due to the carbonation) and swiftly put to death by firing squad.
5. If you make fun of Patrice the whale, you shall be exiled, but more than likely be drowned by Patrice the Whale. She doesn't enjoy being called a whale by anyone except Jimmy or me.
6. No children under the age of 13 will be admitted at all, except for Little Jimmy of course.

The Toughest Animal on Earth

Meet John Jacob Jingle Hiemer Schmitt. This is what I have named my water bear. Water bears are the toughest animals on Earth. They can withstand almost any amount of heat, and can live in most amounts of cold. They can withstand up to 1000 times the amount of radiation we can. They can live decades without water, and even longer without food. These are the Chuck Norris's of the animal kingdom.

Declaration of Independence.

I formed this utopia because, frankly, I can't stand most people. So I designed an area all to myself, and my dungeon child. We will live together peacefully on our very amazing island.
             I started this utopia for several reasons. The first reason is, as previously stated, I can't stand the human race as a whole. They are always trying to control what you do, how you do it, and what kinds of things you should say as you do it. Now, you may be thinking, isn't that hypocritical, with you having a servant and all? Well, no, because Little Jimmy isn't really a person. He doesn't even have the part of the brain that registers pain or defiance, so I can hit him all I want and he can't do anything about it, because he doesn't want to. It's great!
             But stepping away from that long tangent, I wanted to live in a place that had no restrictions, or people trying to always see what I'm doing and asking questions. I can have silence, because Jimmy can't talk. All I hear is the occasional jingle from Jimmy's collar, or the clinking of the Sprite cans as he carries them away.

Island of Little Jimmy

Welcome to the Island of Little Jimmy, where all your dreams will come true. Well, not your dreams, because of course none of the human race is allowed on my island besides my dungeon child, Little Jimmy. Little Jimmy is my servant, and he is the greatest servant of them all. He will bring me my morning Sprite, which is more than I can say about the rest of the humans.