COME WORK FOR NO PAY WHATSOEVER

Hey, have you ever wanted to do manual labor? Well have you wanted to do manual labor without getting paid? Well, in most countries, that is quite illegal, but not on the Island of Little Jimmy! Here on ILJ, (Island of Little Jimmy) you can do more work than you can ever imagine, and you won't see a penny for your efforts.

Here you can pick cotton, build testaments to my good will, clean out an endless supply of Sprite, and even worship me an all my glory. If you haven't been craving that your whole life, what have you been living for?

Daily Schedule

6:00; Wake up.
6:30; Go to work on current monument.
7:30; Get fed your daily sludge.
8:00; Continue working
9:30; Take 26 second break.
10:00; Take time to worship Little Jimmy and our Overlord.
13:00; Move on to working on making sure the Sprite Springs stay clear and refreshing.
15:00; Once Sprite springs are clear, you can go back to working on the monument to our Overlords achievements.
17:00; Go to bed. If you are caught up and about, you will be exiled via Patrice the Whale.

Journal Entry 135

Today I felt like the great American president Donald Trump. I was able to deport every person living on my island, except Little Jimmy of course. He's never going to leave. Now my Island is back to how it was before, humanless and full of beautiful and delicious Sprite. My island is also full of monuments of my achievements in life, which is always exciting.

Journal entry 127

It has recently occurred to me how stupid the human race could be. I was walking through Sprite Springs and I saw three children swimming around in it! I couldn't believe my eyes! I charged over there like a bull charging a cape and yanked all three of them out. Of course one started crying while the other two were lying about why they were doing what they were doing, and I realized that even though I have enslaved them, I hate humanity as a whole.

Journal entry 101

Today was my birthday, so of course what better way to celebrate my grace being blessed upon the universe than to have endless Sprite brought up to me by my forced-to-be-faithful-subjects-or-they-will-be-exiled. After I drank my weight in lemon-lime carbonated beverage I made my way to my most recently erected monolith. I stood in front of it, admiring the amount of detail that my slaves...I mean totally willing and payed workers, had put into it. It is depicting me destroying The Great John Cena. Although I couldn't see him, I was able to make him smell what The Rock was cooking, and quickly dispatch him like you would dispatch a rabid cow.                                                                                                                                                                  

Come to my amazingly wonderful slave encampment

Dear Lara,
I have recently acquired the means to produce a lovely abode called the Island of Little Jimmy. Little Jimmy is, of course, my butler/slave. He does everything I tell him, and he requires no payment, except the occasional glass of water or very rare meal. Some scientists or doctors may consider this malnourishment and borderline torture, but I strongly disagree. I would describe it as having the likeness to an experiment designed to test the absolute limits on the human nutrition scale. But that is not the point of this letter. I strongly advise you to come to my island. It is quite wonderful, well at least for me. You would be given the wondrous opportunity of being able to do anything and everything for me, such as pray to me as your god, and make sure Little Jimmy isn't taking any extra food that he claims he requires to "survive." You may also have to help with the architecture involved with building the giant statue that will be erected in my honor. These are but a small list of the endeavors you will be privileged of partaking in if you were to arrive to my island. I highly encourage you to come, because, frankly, I'm not sure how much longer Little Jimmy will survive. I doubt he will make it through winter.

A dictatorship

My utopia is obviously going to be a dictatorship. They are the most efficient type of governments due to the fact that I am the only one making the decisions. There is no pointless voting system, because on my island I am the only vote that matters. If anyone wants to do anything they have to talk to me. If I say no, and you still do it, then Patrice the Whale will take you into the depths of exile. Don't try and mess with me, or Patrice will mess with your lungs.